<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>lose my self-control with you (when i'm with you) by Aho_Mika_Baka</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811111">lose my self-control with you (when i'm with you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aho_Mika_Baka/pseuds/Aho_Mika_Baka'>Aho_Mika_Baka</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dulce bellum inexpertis [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Villains Series - V. E. Schwab</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Canon compliant? If you can imagine it this way then why not, Dirty Thoughts, I'm Sorry, Introspection, Lockland University, M/M, Out of character? I'm not sure, Pining, Romance? Maybe, Roommates, Secrets, Sneaky boys, Victor-centric, a little violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:00:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aho_Mika_Baka/pseuds/Aho_Mika_Baka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Victor was quite aware that everything he did seemed like a science experiment but it was the only way he could handle the situation and process the outcomes.</p>
<p> <br/>Or where the two roommates' paths collide.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eli Cardale | Eli Ever/Victor Vale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dulce bellum inexpertis [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718152</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lose my self-control with you (when i'm with you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by the songs <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl1InjS1ZPw">"Hatef--k"</a> by The Bravery and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVDGMXFWWG0">"Terrible Thing"</a> by AG.</p>
<p>Hi, this sat in my wip folder for a long time because I was insecure about it, but now it's late at night and I'm feeling reckless.</p>
<p>English hasn't suddenly turned into my first language, so I keep apologizing for any typos and grammar or spelling mistakes.</p>
<p>Still, dark romance lovers, enjoy this mess.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">
  <em>I can keep secrets that I know that you want me</em>
</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
<p class="western">Victor Vale was pissed. It was as if the entire universe had suddenly decided to turn against him. And it all had started to spiral downwards ever since Eliot Cardale showed up behind his door, claiming to be his new roommate. Victor, at first, had been mortified, then intrigued, and now disturbed.</p>
<p class="western">The night of the house party had altered several things. Victor had sensed the shift within himself, intruding his thought pattern, making him question things he would've never questioned and urging him to act differently from his usual self. He had also noticed a change in Eli. Not in the way he let his mask slip or how the corners of his lips twitched despite the smile he held when he was annoyed, no. It was his body betraying him. Whether he wanted to or not, he couldn't fight reflexes. At times, he gravitated towards Victor when he thought he wasn't paying attention, other times, when he knew Victor was watching him, Eli shied away, making sure there was some distance between them.</p>
<p class="western">Victor couldn't figure it out – no matter how much he tried to make sense of his own and Eli's behaviour he didn't find an answer, or rather, he found too many. He lost sleep over calculating looks, actions and thoughts. One night, when he was tucked under the covers, eyelids heavy, he remembered the last time he was alone around this hour. He recalled the way he felt, the way he <em>wanted to feel</em>, and almost choked on the air he inhaled. Memories hit him like a truck going way over the speed limit on the narrowest highway.</p>
<p class="western">There was no way Eli could've heard him that night, was there? He had left Eli behind, dancing to that dreadful music with Angie. <em>Angie</em>. Perhaps something else had occurred after he left. Perhaps he <em>knew</em>. Ideas started forming in Victor's mind and needless to say, it was going to be another sleepless night.</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Oh honey, let me go</em>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">Victor was quite aware that everything he did seemed like a science experiment but it was the only way he could handle the situation and process the outcomes. He had been teasing Eli for a while already, coaxing him to show his true self – he knew Eli wanted to, how could he not –, and he was ready to take it to another level. Every chance he got, Victor continued to push his roommate to display his anger, to let the world see that this brilliant guy was something more than that blinding politician smile and laid-back persona of his. In addition, he needed to find out how much Eli knew, so he decided to <em>play</em>.</p>
<p class="western">Fleeting touches here and there, lingering gazes, drawing attention to his lips – he did it all. And even though Eli's reactions were certainly interesting, in terms of responding with intense stares of his own and the way his adam's apple bobbed ever so slightly whenever Victor did something worthy of his scrutiny, it still wasn't <em>enough</em>. Victor was in desperate need of more, more knowledge, more understanding.</p>
<p class="western">One afternoon, the both of them stumbling into their rooms in a hurry to get out of their wet clothes after a sudden rainfall, Victor made up his mind. He couldn't believe he was even considering it, sinking so low, so he decided to disconnect the common sense wires in his brain and thought, <em>fuck this</em>. Eli was animatedly complaining about the cold and his soaked textbooks when Victor faked a falter in his steps, preparing for the inevitable impact, and lunged himself onto the closest object to stop his fall, that object naturally being Eli.</p>
<p class="western">All his calculations, all his predictions, all of them wrong. The tumble was far less graceful in reality, a flurry of limbs toppling over in a bruising journey down to the floor. Victor was sure it was his arm that twisted under Eli's weight, and that loud crack must've been Eli's head knocking on the wall of their tiny hallway. A hoarse groan left Eli's mouth, his hand reaching for the back of his head where there was bound to be a bump sooner or later, all while Victor tried to prop himself up. The act proved to be more difficult than assumed, his right hand shaky from where Eli had fallen on it, so he rested it on the wall and used his left instead, the one dangerously close to Eli's crotch. With a rasp, he managed to hoist himself up, knees on either side of Eli's thigh, so he was near-sitting on his leg, their faces alarmingly close to each other.</p>
<p class="western">Blue met brown and for an uncomfortably long second there was just silence. „<em>The fuck</em>, Vic?“ asked Eli, confusion obvious in his tone as the veil he wore on his face slipped away, revealing the fire in his eyes. Clearly he was not happy being used as cushioning for a fall. „Have you been drinking or are you high?“</p>
<p class="western">Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Victor scoffed. „Fuck you too, Cardale,“ he spat, suddenly regretting his entire existence.</p>
<p class="western">Apparently the mess of a plan had failed, proving nothing more than a human's ability to bruise. Bracing his feet on the ground, Victor shifted to push himself up and standing when a hand yanking the back of his coat stopped his movements. He threw a nasty glare at Eli before focusing on the glint behind those dark eyes. It was something he had yet to see and neither of them said a word. As if suddenly realizing the effect of his motion, Eli released his hold on Victor's coat and the flash of <em>something</em>  was gone from his eyes. Victor stayed still for a few more seconds, suspicious, before standing up, gathering his bag and striding to his room without a single glance back.</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <em>If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?</em>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">A day later, when the sky was as dark as their bruises, Victor was spending one of the rare evenings when there was no homework to do drawing line after line with his black Sharpie, the pages under his fingers transforming into something else entirely. Eli was at their kitchen corner, pouring himself some juice from a carton while re-reading some of his notes from last week's lectures.</p>
<p class="western">Victor hadn't thought much about the aftermath of his fall the day before. It might've been a subconscious move, or simply Eli's way of demanding answers. It proved nothing. He was on the verge of giving up – as absurd as it sounded – and forgetting all about it. About everything. The two of them would still have to co-exist, so why make it more complicated than it needed to be? That didn't mean he had to stop teasing his roommate though.</p>
<p class="western">With a final strike of black over the word <em>love</em>, Victor placed the book on a pile of several other books on the small table, tucked the marker in his back pocket and stood up. He shuffled over to the kitchen, feet in woolen socks avoiding the squeaky spots of the floor, determined to get a yogurt out of their refrigerator. On his way, Victor passed Eli who had his back turned to him, and reached his hand out to snatch the glass of juice standing on the counter. An inch from his goal, a hand on his wrist stopped him, grabbing with force great enough to leave marks. Before he could tug himself free, Eli turned around and raised both of their hands between them, tan fingers tightening around pale skin.</p>
<p class="western">With a deep frown, Victor snarled. „What're you doing?“</p>
<p class="western">„Stealing isn't nice, Vale,“ replied Eli, voice even as if he was trying to reason with a misbehaving child.</p>
<p class="western">Victor took half a step closer, keeping their eyes locked. „Says the impostor.“ The hold on his wrist didn't budge, and he smiled.</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <em>If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?</em>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">They were drunk. Not entirely wasted though – <em>tipsy </em> would be a better word. It was a Friday night, and with the weather not being the best – <em>What's the weather got to do with it?</em>  asked Victor when Eli brought up the subject –, Eli decided to ditch the party he was invited to. Victor, too, had been invited but there was no way he would've gone, good weather or bad. He was in no mood to repeat the events of the last time he attended a social gathering.</p>
<p class="western">So now the two of them were sharing a bottle of cheap scotch, this time not even bothering to bring something to pour the drink into, the lights in their shared room dim and the outside world dark. Some time into the night, they had ended up on the floor, sitting side by side on old pillows with their legs stretched out in front of them. Victor took a sip from the bottle, tipping his head back so it rested on the couch. It tasted foul. Like someone had wanted to make the alcohol on their own but the only ingredients they had were twenty years over the expiration date. He scrunched his nose.</p>
<p class="western">„What? Not your taste, Vale?“ Eli asked, teasing.</p>
<p class="western">Victor rolled his eyes, the action making the room spin a little. „It's drinkable if you just want to get wasted.“</p>
<p class="western">Eli chuckled, grabbing the bottle from Victor's hands with some difficulties because his fingers weren't as co-operating as he would've liked, and because Victor was hesitant to let it go. One of them had discovered a whole pack of cookies in a cupboard, the ones that grandmothers had in their houses, ready to chip every taster's teeth. Nevertheless, they were a necessary bite between gulps of scotch, so they would have to endure.</p>
<p class="western">Victor selected a cookie, shaped like a butterfly, and tried to nibble his way through the stone-hard treat. Eli was talking about some girl in their class. He couldn't really concentrate on the words, all the syllables were melting into one another and the room was suspiciously crooked. Was he talking about Angie? No, someone named Chloe. Maybe Clara. He couldn't recall.</p>
<p class="western">„And so I said to her: 'Do it yourself if you're so confident.'“ Eli frowned as he turned to his roommate. „You're not listening, are you?“</p>
<p class="western">„Of course I am,“ Victor replied quickly. „Something about.. about.. Does it matter?“ he then asked, twisting his body to face Eli as he popped the last piece of the cookie in his mouth. His eyes were a little unfocused but definitely aimed at his roommate.</p>
<p class="western">Eli shook his head – like he was any more sober than Victor was –, before jabbing an elbow into Victor's ribs. The other groaned half-heartedly and returned the favour.</p>
<p class="western">„You've got something on your...“ started Eli, finishing the sentence with a gesture to the corner of his mouth.</p>
<p class="western">With a confused look, Victor tried to make sense of what Eli was referring to as he leaned forward, squinting slightly. Whatever was wrong with him, his brain seemed to work several times slower than usual. Of course the alcohol was to blame, and he wasn't the best holder of his booze, but this particular scotch also seemed to be stronger than expected. Eli's contours were fuzzy.</p>
<p class="western">Seemingly losing patience, Eli took a hold of Victor's jaw, tugging him closer. Victor's eyes widened at the action and he seemed to sober up a little as he struggled against the hold, trying to find balance in his stance. Eli didn't even consider letting go, dark eyes glued on Victor's face as he swiped his thumb across those pink lips, effectively getting rid of leftover cookie crumbs.</p>
<p class="western">Victor felt like a love interest of a high school jock in some low-budget PG-13 movie directed towards horny teenagers too shy to make the first move. It was not something he wanted to feel like and he scowled, nearly growling as the fingers kept their hold on his jaw. He grabbed a hold of Eli's wrist, digging nails in his skin hard enough to come away bloody if he held on any tighter, in hopes of getting the other to let go.</p>
<p class="western">Instead, Eli's thumb wandered, moving over his lips, slowly prodding them open and Victor could do nothing. He wasn't sure if it was because of the amount of alcohol in his system or something else, something to do with Eli and <em>this thing  </em>between them, but either way, he was frozen to his place, gaze stuck on Eli as he tried to figure out his motives.</p>
<p class="western">A frown on his face, Victor could feel Eli's finger move with a goal in mind, and as much as he wanted to get away, he wanted to know, needed to <em>see</em> how this situation ended. As if on cue, Victor let his mouth slacken, lips and teeth parting slightly until Eli could slip his thumb inside, possibly having waited for that moment, because something changed in his expression. Eli's eyes darkened, a ghost of a smirk on his lips, soon to be mirrored by Victor.</p>
<p class="western">Dragging out the moment, Victor let the intruder move around shyly before circling his tongue around it, eyes searching for reaction on the other's face. The smirk on Eli's lips seemed to deepen, and he looked more smug than ever. Oh, fuck the guy.</p>
<p class="western">Victor grinned, and bit down on Eli's thumb, making him yank his hand back, smugness replaced with downright rage. <em>Mission accomplished</em>.</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <em>Don't you ever let me go</em>
</p>
<p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p class="western">The tension could be cut with a knife. In fact, a knife sat in Victor's hand, ready to cut vegetables. But the air was nearly crackling with electricity. Victor held the blade, standing still as a wind chime on a windless day. His eyes ran along the silvery edge, up and down, before turning to his empty hand. He was in-between – drive the blade into himself or Eli? Equal picks, if you asked him. Either would work.</p>
<p class="western">Eli was leaning on the wall behind Victor, arms crossed over his chest, gaze cast downwards. He seemed tense. There was no smile on his face, the mask he usually wore discarded in favour of grim seriousness. „So?“ he asked, raising his head to look at Victor standing a few metres away, turned towards the kitchen counter.</p>
<p class="western">Victor snorted. He gripped the knife, twisting it over, and over, and over in his hand. He raised it, and slammed it down into the cutting board. Victor craned his head to look at Eli before turning around, resting his hips and hands on the countertop. „What do you want me to say?“</p>
<p class="western">The frown on Eli's face deepened significantly. Pushing off the wall, he took a step closer, wanting to intimidate. Unfortunately, these tricks didn't work on Victor and he wasn't the least bit worried. It was what he had always wanted to see; it was obvious he preferred Eli at his rawest, open and wild.</p>
<p class="western">„I don't know, maybe explain the situation a little, hm? How about making me understand? Or do you just want to punch me in the face? Use that knife, perhaps – you know you want to.“</p>
<p class="western">„Of course I do,“ said Victor calmly. „How about a deal? You tell me what you want from me, and I'll tell you what I want.“</p>
<p class="western">Sighing, Eli shook his head. „I can't believe you. It's really not what <em>I</em> want from <em>you</em>. <em>You're</em> the one sending mixed signals here!“ he started. „You act like an insufferable jerk, and then, only minutes later, you come up to me, <em>real close</em>, and look at me like.. Like <em>that</em>,“ he finished, gesturing to Victor.</p>
<p class="western">With a raised eyebrow, Victor smiled wolfishly. „Then you should already know what I want.“</p>
<p class="western">Eli was furious. „Why does everything have to be a mystery with you?“ he asked, voice raising above his usual tone. „You're impossible! You and your theatrics-- Why can't you just say what you have to say?!“ His hands curled into fists at his sides. „I can't keep up with you!“ Eli roared, goldenboy persona completely forgotten as he creeped closer to his roommate with every said word.</p>
<p class="western">Victor beamed.<em> Finally</em>. His eyes screamed challenge as he stepped up to Eli, head held high and mighty, shoulders squared.</p>
<p class="western">„You're awful, <em>God</em>, you terrible, terrible thing--“</p>
<p class="western">Grabbing the back of Eli's head with two hands, fingers clutching the brown locks and <em>tugging</em>, Victor smashed his mouth on Eli's into a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongue. He pushed himself as close to Eli as possible, chests pressed together, and he struggled to keep himself balanced.</p>
<p class="western">Eli went still, stiff as a rock, but once his brain caught up, he pushed back with the same enthusiasm, same hunger, teeth biting lips and tongue gathering up the blood. His hands found Victor's hips and guided him backwards, shoving him against the kitchen counter in a way that must've hurt. He roamed, hands sliding up and down Victor's sides, then gripping his biceps, fingertips digging into skin through the black shirt.</p>
<p class="western">Victor wasn't religious, but did that feel <em>heavenly</em>. He sighed, eyes closed as his fingers caressed the hair on Eli's nape, other hand holding on to his shoulder as if it was a lifeline. Then his wrists were seized and forced down on the counter again. Eli pushed into Victor once more before breaking the kiss, though he didn't pull away entirely.</p>
<p class="western">„You beautiful thing,“ he whispered against the corner of Victor's mouth. His hands held Victor's own in a vice grip, and the two were the closest they had ever been.</p>
<p class="western">Victor bit down on Eli's bottom lip and tugged, eyes full of mirth. „I preferred the other one,“ he said, thinking of the knife a few inches away from his hand.</p>
<p class="western">Brown eyes flicked to the pale blue ones before glinting with realization. Eli chuckled darkly.</p>
<p class="western">„Oh, you <em>terrible </em>thing.“</p>
<p class="western"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ta-da~</p>
<p>I'm not ruling out the possibility of another fic in this series, but for now I'm putting it on hiatus in favour of focusing on some changes in my life (though it's not really that dramatic, I swear).</p>
<p>Kudos are always appreciated and I love, love, love reading Your comments, so please don't hesitate to voice Your thoughts!</p>
<p>Stay healthy everyone!</p>
<p>Warm wishes,<br/>Author.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>